A satirical look at the relationship of a beer vs. women
Welcome to the Monday Funday Funnies, where Mondays in any part of the world could use a good laugh to start off the work week .. enjoy and remember… laughter is the best medicine .. warning this type of medicine could be addictive and contagious so please spread widely
Beer is Better than Women because…
- A beer would never prefer a romantic classic to a good x-rated flick
- A beer does not notice if you get turned on by another beer
- A beer would never bug you to have little beers
- You can try dark beers or light beers without upsetting your parents
- A beer doesn’t make you feel inadequate if you cannot get it opened
- Beer will never expect foreplay before satisfying you
- If your preference in beer changes, lawyers do not have to get involved
- You can try exotic beers without neighbours worrying about property values
- You cannot get thrown in jail for having a beer under the grandstand at half time
- You don’t have to explain to a beer why going to a nude beach is better than an opera
- A beer will never change its mind once you take its top off
- You don’t have to drive a beer home at 3 o’clock in the morning
- A beer will never bitch about the mosquitoes on a fishing trip
- A beer will never want respect afterwards
- You can have two beers in a row and still have enough energy for golf
- A beer tastes good after a 3 hour workout
- A beer will not slap you in the face for putting it between your legs
- A beer will never make you sleep on the couch if you had other beers
- A beer will never ask you “what are you doing” when you put your lips on it
- Finishing a beer in 3 seconds is something to be proud of
- Before you have a beer you don’t have to spend an evening pretending to be sensitive
- A beer will never complain about being fondled
- A beer always looks good in the morning as when the bar closed
- You can have a beer on your lunch hour
- A beer will never notice if you are inexperienced
- A beer can wait until half time
- A beer will never tell you to pick up a box of tampons
- A beer will never turn your den into a sewing room
- A beer will never turn your bathroom into a laundry room
- A beer will never turn your bedroom into a beauty parlour
- A beer will never switch channels on you
- A beer will never clip coupons out of the paper before you read it
- Beers will not call your duck decoys cute or ask what inning it is on the 4th down
- Beers will never leave pantyhose in your gym bag
- A beer will never claim to be on a diet than eat all the popcorn at the movies
- A beer will not mind hiding in the refrigerator when your girlfriend comes over
- A beer will never want a commitment
- Afterwards a beer will not feel guilty, cry, tell you it loves you or call your mother
- A beer will never trade in your motorcycle for a station wagon
- Beers will not switch the radio stations on you
- A beer will never say “its only a small dent”
- A beer always tastes the same no matter what time of the month
- At a singles bar a beer will not drop you for someone else
- With a beer is what you see is what you get…you will never see one without make up
- A beer will never slap you for alimony
- Beers will never ask “ is there another beer” they do not care what you do
- A beer is inexpensive to be on vacation with and you can go where you want to
- You never have to take your beer shopping
- A good bodied beer is never flat
- Beers never get jealous
- When you go to a bar you can always pick up a beer
- You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty
- A frigid beer is a good beer
- You will always get good head with beer
- A beer is always easy to pick up
- A beer is always ready to leave on time
- A beer never complains about leaving the toilet seat up
- A beer does not mind a beer fart or a beer burp
- A beer will never complain if you throw up after having a beer
- You are always the first to pop a beer
- A beer will never complain if you share a beer with friends
- A beer will never mind being in the wet spot it leaves
- A beer will not go crazy once a month
- A beer will never complain of you holding another beer in your other hand
- A beer does not have relatives that stay over for weeks
- A beer will never complain about being a two fisted drinker
This final one is gross and could be offensive so if you offend easily please scroll quick to the bonus joke
- And finally ; A beer always tastes good despite yeast in them
Next article in fairness to all women ..
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Bonus Joke
A professor of mathematics sent an e-mail to his wife. It read:
Dear Wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight.
Your Husband
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Don’t wait up!!!!
All I can say is SLAM!!
Great Holiday Gift Ideas for those hard to buy for at the office Christmas party .. Make your Secret Santa gift a Fun Time– Who doesn’t love to wear a good laugh! I mean really, Can you WEAR a better conversation piece?
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