Let me ask this question, how many people have thought about suicide, raise you hand?.
How many people have attempted suicide? Raise your hand.
How many people know someone who has committed suicide, attempted or spoke about ending their life? Raise your hand
If you answered even one of out these three you are not alone, unfortunately those who are on the brink of suicide do not realize there is help out there. I can raise my hand to the first two of these three questions; thankfully, I am still here to write about it and hope I can help someone reading this who may be under duress or help someone who knows someone who they are afraid they may be thinking of ending their life.
Does it still cross my mind? I’ll answer that with an honest yes, yes it does cross my mind, sometimes very deeply. I think about how I would do it, would I want it quick or something that may take a few minutes so I can take those few last moments knowing I reached the point of no return. I think if it will painful, will it be messy, how will they find me, then I think of who would find me.
I think of how my children would feel, my husband, my parents, siblings, friends, and those who don’t know me well, but would know my name if they read it in the paper or heard it from someone else.
I think of the afterlife, where will I be, will I go to hell because I took the gift of life God gave me, will I be forgiven in the eyes of God because he/she would understand the pain I was in? On the other hand, will that just be it, nothing more…. Dead silence for eternity?
These are the thoughts that run through my head at my darkest moments, moments to some may seem easy to resolve, just pick up, and get on with your life they say, it’s not that bad. How would they know, did they ever walk a day in my shoes, seen what I have seen, lived what I have lived, died inside because of the pain our mortal hearts can feel?
It’s easy for them to say isn’t it, but the reality is, most people do go through similar events in their lives, loss of a relationship, loss of a parent, loss of a child, loss of a job, financial pain, bullying, lack of friends, lack of self esteem, loss of faith, so many life events that lead to one tremendously painful emotion, Depression.
Am I feeling this emotion as I write this? The honest answer to that would be yes. At this moment, I am feeling depression, my life not how I saw it to be, challenges in my life feeling I can’t get over, loneliness in my emotions that cannot be comforted, feelings of despair, loss and frustration. Do I not want to wake up tomorrow? Yes, I do because there is a difference in reality at this moment and the reality is I only want to stop living, but not to die.
Has life thrown me a curve ball? Yes, it has. Sometimes daily, can I deal with it? I try, and in the end, my life’s problems, my despair and hopelessness I feel at the moment, eventually makes me a stronger person, because I survived it, even though at this moment despair and fear surround my life fearing the pain that may come tomorrow, or the next or the next, pain I just don’t want to feel.
I know taking my life is not the way out of my suffering and depression. Life many times seems hopeless for me, whether it financial, relationships or just feeling completely useless in this world, sometimes talking myself into thinking no one would even care or miss me if I was gone, but then I realize something. Many people would miss me, my children, my family and my friends, and anyone in the future I may have an affect on their life whether in a subtle way with a friendly smile to someone who is having a bad day as I walk down the street, that unknowing smile could regain that person’s hope for humanity. Many times not even knowing the many strangers, we pass or say a brief hello to could potentially change their lives forever.
We make larger impacts daily in our jobs, family life, and friendships or volunteering in something you can relate to, something you know you can make a difference at because you have experienced it yourself.
How do I deal with it? I must have many friends and family around to help me, the truth is no I do not. I have people around who love me, my children, my family, and very few friends but does misery really like company, no I don’t believe it does. When I’m depressed the last thing I want to do is talk to family or friends, because most times they themselves don’t know how to deal with what I feel. Sometimes to them, what my feelings are seem not worth depression over. I get the ‘everything will be okay’, or ‘it could be worse’, ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’, or just a silent shrug. I do not blame them, they are not councilors, doctors, or anyone trained to deal with depression. It is not always about seeing the depression in people when suddenly a person takes their life. They may not even let on to anyone how they feel, and then one day, you find out, they are gone, and many people say, I never saw it coming.
On the other side of that it is not to say those who experience signs of depression or talk about suicide won’t do it, and this is why World Suicide Prevention Day September 10/09 is so critically important and we all take time to understand how serious this is in our society.
Let us look at how serious in our society this is. I’ll start with what I have read in the book Touched With Fire
by Kay Redfield Jamison I’ve been reading. These statics are for those who live and try to survive daily with manic/depression, a.k.a. Bipolar disorder. Statistically one in five people with Bipolar left untreated will commit suicide.
Do the math:
- In Australia, it is approximately 238,957 people.
- In the United Kingdom, it is approximately 723,248 people.
- In Germany, it is approximately 989,095 people.
- In Canada, it is approximately 390,094 people.
- In Iran, it is approximately 810,038 people.
- In addition, for both India and China, each have somewhere between 12 – 15 million people who are bipolar!
- Bipolar disorder statistics from the World Health Organization (WHO) indicate bipolar disorder is the sixth leading cause of disability in the world.
Source: Bipolar Lives
According to WHO statistics 3000 people a day worldwide commit suicide, and for every 1 person who commits suicide 20 or more attempt to end their life.
Manic Depression is not easy to treat either, it takes years of patient cooperation, accepting the disorder is forever, finding the right medication and dosage, and willing to turn their life around with not over indulging in the many other non prescription drugs out there like drugs and alcohol. How do I know this because I have survived Manic/Depression for 42 years, diagnosed at 16, but looking back into my childhood I had many signs most would not pick up on as a child, was I truly a quiet shy child or was I experiencing signs of depression?
Unfortunately, in those days depression meant laying in bed with the blinds shut not wanting to get up and dying within yourself, people would just leave you alone, whispering behind the back, the consensus, they are just feeling sorry for themselves. It is spoken and recognized more now as our communication of the internet and social networking is equipped with more information, easier to find and more trying to understand, but how much do we really talk about depression? How many parents know how to recognize their child is depressed? We usually write it off as just normal childhood growing pains, but there is a difference.
Once diagnosed at 16 with Manic/Depression, it was still not something you spoke about in society, living with the stigma of a mental illness was taboo. Today is it so wide spread someone knows someone with some type of disorder, Anxiety, OCD, ADHD, Eating disorders, Clinical depression and the list goes on, although each disorder has their own idiosyncrasies, they all share one common ground, when they aren’t dealt with properly they all lead to depression.
My parents did their best to get me the best help, best psychiatrists and have me put on the ‘magic pill’ to stop this disorder. From doctor to doctor, to hospital to hospital, the fact is, there is no magic pill, no magic cocktail, the only magic comes from a person who lives with a disorder to accept it and to control it instead of it controlling you. This much easier said then done, and doesn’t happen overnight. My parents struggled with frustration as did I, and from my parents came my husband, whom at the beginning did not know how to deal with it especially when there was a lack of knowledge about it. Over the years people like Kay Redfield Jamison, Linda Hamilton, Margaret Trudeau who stepped forward to share their stories on living and surviving Bipolar. Then other celebrities who have spoken about a family member who have committed suicide and how they must deal with the anger of why? Why would they do this? Then survivors of those who end their life whether celebrity or not take a turn into their own depression, feeling they failed that person.
So where do you turn, friends, family, yes if they can understand how to deal with what it is you are experiencing. Support groups, yes, support groups are so important, talking and knowing you are not alone is a big step to helping find peace. Family doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, yes if you are in a position to afford regular counseling and you can wait for an appointment to see them. Education from those trying daily to survive or know someone who is trying to survive Depression or other disorders that puts them at a high risk. My parents during one of my very depressed times years ago gave me the first book I read by Kay Redfield Jamison called Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
What about those sudden feelings, those times you find yourself in duress and can’t or don’t want to seek medical attention because you feel the emergency room will just put you in a corner while you die on the inside. Not wanting to seek out family or friends because you’re afraid you will burden them, but what you need is someone who understands, someone to talk to who won’t just tell you ‘don’t worry every thing will be fine’ when you’re world, the one small world you live in within yourself, cannot see past the next day? I have also experienced this, and thankfully at the time we just installed the internet, finding help was easy, picking up the phone and dialing the number was even easier. The crisis worker on the other end, listened, understood, let me cry, let me say everything that was bothering me, and she didn’t let me go, until she knew A) I was feeling better and at no risk, or B) was willing to seek help immediately. I had called more then on one occasion and both were the end results, one actually bringing myself to the nearest emergency room and received the help I needed. The emergency was more understanding because it was a crisis worker that suggested I be there, they knew I was a risk. I have also phoned the distress centre crisis workers when I was worried about a family member, they too convinced me at all costs to get them to a hospital, especially because this person was a teen, and sometimes can become a higher risk with not understanding there will be light some where along the line at the end of the tunnel. Coming from someone like myself who have been in those states where I couldn’t believe there was a light, I can say there always is. You just must find your way with first finding the help you need, and not to be ashamed to ask for it.
That person is only a phone call away; people who spend their time wanting more then anything to help a person in this state, and you can do it from the privacy of where you want. From your home, office, phone booth, on your cell at a coffee shop, street corner or anywhere you feel there is no where to turn.
Afraid if you call you will sound weak, crying uncontrollably or think the person on the other end will think you are just feeling sorry for yourself or will judge you? Think again, Distress Call Centres are the one place if you do not feel comfortable anywhere else, that can help you immediately.
This does not mean a family member or friend cannot help, but many times those without training do not know how to cope. If someone you know seems they could be thinking or talks about ending their life, or tells you they feel everyone would be better off if they weren’t here, there are some tips from the Niagara Distress Centre you should follow:
Suicide Help
There is no typical suicide victim. Almost everyone at some time in his or her life thinks about committing suicide. It happens to young and old, rich and poor. People having a crisis often perceive their dilemma as inescapable and feel an utter loss of control. Fortunately, there are some common warning signs, which, when identified and acted upon, can save your life or the life of someone you know.
| Be Observant |
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| Check it out |
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| Reach out to the Person |
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| Ask about Sucide |
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| Show Respect |
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| Be Actively Involved |
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| Determine Risk |
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| Offer Support |
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| Get Help |
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On September 13/09 my daughter and I will be participating in the 4th Annual Suicide Prevention Walk taking place at Grantham Lion’s Hall in St. Catherine’s to help raise funds and awareness for this increasing dilemma in our society and this is why:
Suicide Prevention Concerns Everyone…
- Suicide is one of the leading causes of death for adults from age 25-49.
- Suicide is the second leading cause of death for young adults age 15-34.
- Each year in Canada, approximately 4,000 people die by suicide – that means 11 Canadians every day.
In 2008 Distress Centre Niagara…
- Volunteers answered10,730 helpline calls
- Logged over 8,000 volunteer hours
- Presented Suicide Awareness and Prevention Training to 77 community members
There are many ways you can help in this cause, by volunteering your time, donations and/or pass along in your social networks statistics, help lines in your area, and what to do in the case of someone you know you think may be at risk of suicide or severe depression. Do what you can to get them immediate help and if it is you who are experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts please talk to someone, get help, and know you’re life is priceless to many, even if at that moment you don’t think it is. Many people out there care and sometimes a stranger can be your best friend and confidant at that moment of desperate moment of despair.
Without Volunteers and Donations Distress Centres can not operate, please give this gift of life, for someone who is thinking of taking theirs.
Thinking of Donating, this is how your donations help at the Niagara Distress Centre:
Distress Centre Niagara is a non-profit organization that relies on private donations from individuals like you.
- $10 provides snacks and drinks for the 5 volunteer shifts in a 24-hour period.
- $20 covers the cost of an average call
- $30 covers the cost of the telephones for one day at Distress Centre
- $100 provides materials and supplies for the volunteer training course
- $200 covers the cost of an advanced training session for existing volunteers
Gifts-in-kind needed:
- Office supplies (pens, post-it notes, staplers, etc.)
- Paper products (white, coloured, note pads)
- Printer Cartridges
- Software
- Sundries (dish soap, hand soap, etc.)
- Gift Cards (for volunteer prizes i.e. grocery, gas, movies etc.)
- Non-perishable food items (coffee, soup, snack bars, cookies etc for volunteer comfort while they are on shift)
Donated products and services enable community agencies to work more effectively and efficiently. Donations allow us to redirect cash resources to recruiting, screening, and training our volunteer crisis workers.
Think about donating your time. Become a volunteer crisis worker!
Emergency Numbers in the Niagara Region Please Call or more information click on the Distress Centre Niagara Banner at the top of this page:
- St. Catharines, Niagara Falls And Area 905-688-3711
- Port Colborne, Wainfleet and Area 905-734-1212
- Fort Erie and Area 905-328-0689
- Grimsby, West Lincoln 905-563-6674
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